Spending My Words

I took the train downtown to the University of Chicago today, to spend a little time with Nathan while the girls were with Nora. We had a quick lunch, talked about classes, Kierkegaard, Mom and Dad's upcoming visit and what train they should take up to Evanston. We also talked about parenting - where we're at, where we want to be going. Some realizations were met (by me). I discovered that I am pretty satisfied on the whole with how the girls behave, and this is because I compare them to other kids their age that I see at the playground or at church, and I feel that they are doing pretty well considering their peers. Not a good idea, this comparison game. It doesn't help me, it doesn't help the girls, and it doesn't give those other kids (and parents) the love or compassion (!) I should offer them. We're not graded on a curve; our desire for excellence should blossom out of a love for God and a wish to obey Him, to give Him the best we have to offer.
Secondly, I realized that less is more when it comes to explanations for my children. I should speak less, period. My breath should be spent on encouragement to them, and praise for the Lord, and love for my neighbor, not on platitudes (!) about why we should behave a certain way (example: don't take that toy away from your sister! That's a mean thing to do. Sisters are for loving"). Correction where it is needed, yes, but explanations - not so much. Ideas about how we should behave are best heeded, I think, when we "discover" them ourselves. We can feed our children's moral imaginations through good stories, and they will come to their own conclusions about a litany of good life skills (how to treat siblings, how to treat friends, how to do chores, how to eat healthy food, how to be part of a community, etc.). Words of instruction and advice are perhaps best used when they are requested.