Pause for Disclaimer

Just to be clear: I don't think my thoughts are groundbreaking or of ultimate importance. Blogging can be a bit of a heady enterprise - but I blog mainly to record my thoughts somewhere. I am a terrible journaler-- I don't like to write things down with pen and paper because it's too slow, and whenever I have had a journal a year can go by and I won't write anything. That's
reason enough not to journal. So, when I have thoughts that are lucid enough to post someplace, this is where I like to do it.

Thoughts on Three

So now I have three. Hudson is three months. Ella is 4 1/2, Lilly is almost 3. What do I think about this new addition/new rhythm in my life? It is dynamic, it is chaotic, it seems utterly and absolutely right. I cannot imagine my life without any of these little people. For the first 6 weeks of life with Hudson, I felt like I was set at the starting block of a big footrace for which I had been training for years, and then someone came along and cut my legs off. I felt ready to race but it was out of the question because I didn't have the necessary tools that I had trained with. But there was a sudden change in the wind. People who are little girls in my home settled into a disposition of having different expectations, and got used to the new sounds and routines that were ushered in. Ella and Lilly have become quite flexible, patient for the most part. Ella is in fact utterly patient, Lilly has her struggles when she needs me "NOW" or so she thinks. But the blessing of this baby's entrance is indisputable in the moments when his sisters snuggle close, caress his little head, and speak incoherences in sing-song that bring rich and sparkling smiles to his entire face. Love is all around!

The Gift of Paul

In recent months I have been going to a Bible study of sorts at my church, specifically for moms. The speaker is a mother of 8, sharing her thoughts on "practical Christian living for women". One of the most helpful ideas, though they've all been illuminating, is her encouragement to give God the best part of our day. That could be any time you have some peace in your home. This has freed me up. My longheld belief that devotions should be done in the morning or you've blown it for the day and you might as well wait and try again tomorrow wasn't helping me at all. Now, I look forward to the time I know I will have quiet all around and can spend time reading the Bible and praying. I get excited! That's not happened to me before.
I have been reading through the New Testament, a few chapters a night. In my reading I have found the apostle Paul to be a key character for apologetics. This man was a Pharisee, and a zealous protector of the Jewish law and tradition, killing and arresting Christians or "followers of the Way". After a single interview with Jesus on the road to Damascus, he is utterly transformed - shifting his beliefs and his rhetoric 180. He was bent on telling the truth to everyone, risking his life. He made his travels and boldly spoke and preached and reasoned with Jews and Gentiles - it seems clear to me that nothing but the truth could cause this dedication, this fearless capitulation of a message. He had seen, he understood, there was a message he needed to convey - he was bursting with the truth of Jesus' resurrection, with the fact that he was made witness to God's Son. The words and witness of Paul are a gift - he gives us another compelling reason to believe.

Super Punch

A Super Punch: Luciano Pavarotti and Brian Adams singing "Ave Maria" - youtube.
A Knock Out: Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder singing "For Once in my Life" - also youtube.

Take ten minutes. Relish.

The Hedman Girlz

Hoo Boy!

Forgot to mention -
Ella and Lilly will be joined by a baby brother this winter.

Community Communique

I'll just be honest. After I spend time with people I sometimes find it harder to love them and easier not to love them. This makes me sound like a misanthrope. I am not. I like to make new friends, keep old friends, provide hospitality in my home in the form of meals or long stays. It would be safe to say I love it.
It is this very exposure that warms and chafes me at the same time. It warms not only my emotions, but that secret part of me where God's fire is growing. It chafes me at the flesh, at the corner of my brain that "decides" things.
Community is not only a grand thing for support, it might be even better for un-support. That is, I may find people who are like me and that is reassuring - but eventually I find that they do things differently, with different expectations and outcomes. This can have a deleterious effect on the order I have created in my mind and in my life, the definition I've built concerning The Way Things Should Be.
The really wonderful thing is that I am free to exercise my willingness to love my neighbor in community. I will fail time and again. But because I belong to Jesus who has the power to forgive and to heal our shattered sinful parts, I can keep trying with all good hope that one day I will fully relinquish my will for his. That will be a great relief to us all.

Woohoo Baby!

It's been a while. My computer broke in April. It has been on the to-do list to fix for some time. Meanwhile, I have missed blogging.
As you might know, I am pregnant with our third child. This has also contributed to some lethargy; it is remarkable to me how much physical energy it takes out of a woman to grow one of these things. Growing another human being! As if that doesn't sound science fiction. It was a wee bit of an "early" situation - about six months ahead of schedule on the list of events we'd planned for our life, but hey, #3 was a heartfelt wish anyway. We had to "work out" some faithless details on our parts - a two bedroom apartment, a scrape the bottom of the barrel each month budget, Nathan's Academic Year to Break Anyone's Spirit coming up with 70 hr. work weeks expected - and by "work out" I mean pray earnestly. We are happy and excited to welcome this new person into our family; we find out the gender this week. I think I had an epiphany when I imagined a friend telling me she was pregnant with #3 and she was nervous about how she would manage it financially and personally - and my response would be, I understand why you might be nervous, but you know and I know and the Lord knows it will all be just fine. The Ingalls lived comfortably with three children in a log cabin about 1/3 the size of my apartment. Families in India would fit 15 family members in a dwelling this size. So, when I am nervous about the size of my home, I think my Americanness is showing. How embarrassing!
One thing I know is true - children are a blessing from the Lord, nothing less.

One last thought. I don't usually plug products. But I recently purchased a pack of Big Red. It has been at least 12 years since I chewed Big Red. And I am here to tell you that if you're feeling blah and you need just a teensy bit of sparkle, get you some! It's zesty and it reminds you that you are too!

A Little Help

I have been tired lately. When I get tired I go on autopilot. The girls just do what they do and I shuffle around our house in a day-old glazed donut sort of stupor. I am more prone to get irritated with the girls when I'm tired, and on autopilot, because while on autopilot I'm not technically manning the plane and I don't notice some things. These things get past me, and then disaster strikes, and then I have to discipline rather than if I would have been paying attention to begin with, and able to nip at the root.
Well, last night I read a little brochure from Focus on the Family. Normajean had given it to me some years ago along with some others. It was entitled "The Value of Motherhood" and it had a number of helpful thoughts, along with this one: only as we invest much will the yield be great. It mentioned a few ladies, Susannah Wesley and Sarah Edwards in particular, who had more than ten children to raise and their homes to oversee as well. It talks about their role in their homes as teacher and spiritual mentor. Really, an incredible legacy from both of them to their children.
I want my mothering to be about a legacy. A root that goes down in my children's life, that feeds their children and their grandchildren. A desire for the Lord and His righteousness goes without saying. And there are other gifts I want them to possess, like empathy, integrity, joy, hope, gentleness, lady-like-ness, peacefulness.
I need a vision for this kind of mothering. A kingdom vision to be sure, and also a vision that carries me through day to day.