Genuine Article

I've been thinking about the centrality of calling upon Jesus' name in prayer - to hearken courage, ward off evil, summon comfort. We call on Jesus name, and we know the power of that word, because we understand (albeit imperfectly and incompletely) who Jesus is. His name has meaning. It has great import. And by using it, we are granted a kind of familiarity with the Son of God - we can call upon him by name, and he is known to us - and we to him.
It seems to me that one of life's goods is to be known and understood by those we love. And I have learned that to be misunderstood by this same audience is a difficult thing to accept. I suspect others feel the same way - that there is something at stake if someone close to us does not know the "truth" about who we are. It calls into question just who the person "April" is - because if my nearest and dearest do not see the things in me that I see, it's hard to know what this fabric is really made of.
It's easy to underestimate each other, to tally our injuries and build defenses. This helps no one, hurts everyone, and diminishes our individual effectiveness in ministering to one another in Christ's name.
Consider this an invitation to walk out into the light of Jesus with me, where we will be washed of all of our toil and transgressions, and be renewed. Then, let's take another good look at each other, and rejoice in the name of Jesus.

Spending My Words

I took the train downtown to the University of Chicago today, to spend a little time with Nathan while the girls were with Nora. We had a quick lunch, talked about classes, Kierkegaard, Mom and Dad's upcoming visit and what train they should take up to Evanston. We also talked about parenting - where we're at, where we want to be going. Some realizations were met (by me). I discovered that I am pretty satisfied on the whole with how the girls behave, and this is because I compare them to other kids their age that I see at the playground or at church, and I feel that they are doing pretty well considering their peers. Not a good idea, this comparison game. It doesn't help me, it doesn't help the girls, and it doesn't give those other kids (and parents) the love or compassion (!) I should offer them. We're not graded on a curve; our desire for excellence should blossom out of a love for God and a wish to obey Him, to give Him the best we have to offer.
Secondly, I realized that less is more when it comes to explanations for my children. I should speak less, period. My breath should be spent on encouragement to them, and praise for the Lord, and love for my neighbor, not on platitudes (!) about why we should behave a certain way (example: don't take that toy away from your sister! That's a mean thing to do. Sisters are for loving"). Correction where it is needed, yes, but explanations - not so much. Ideas about how we should behave are best heeded, I think, when we "discover" them ourselves. We can feed our children's moral imaginations through good stories, and they will come to their own conclusions about a litany of good life skills (how to treat siblings, how to treat friends, how to do chores, how to eat healthy food, how to be part of a community, etc.). Words of instruction and advice are perhaps best used when they are requested.

Economy of Living

Nathan and I just had a few budget talks in the last few days. We both feel strongly that the money we have been given is enough - in fact our eyes have witnessed tremendous help from the Lord with the Harvey Fellowship in particular - but we find ourselves hoping we'll make it through November. I'm not worried, neither is he. In the back of my mind though, I have to admit I wonder how long we will labor under debt. There are moments that I feel the burden to get out and work and contribute financially to our present state; but then, I want to shout, NO WAY, the consumer/materialistic buck stops here. I refuse to be made to feel that I have to afford certain things in order to be called a human being. I refuse to have 10 pairs of nice shoes when all I really need are two - sneaks to jog in and a pair to cruise around in every day. I refuse to pursue another brown purse just because it's nice, when I already have a brown purse (and let's get real; why do we think we need more than one purse anyway?). Well, you will say, so what? Well the so what is just this: we have to live in ways that intentionally demonstrate the things we value. Do we value the stewardship and conservation of the land? Then we need to make sacrifices in our budget to buy produce and meats that promote the well being of the earth and the animals we are to "govern over". Do we value home as restorative, restful, brimming with life and warmth? Or is it just a place to live? If we value the former, it requires the presence of someone to make it a place of welcome, to nourish the body and the heart. Do we value the poor in our neighborhood, in our world? Then we give to them on the street when they ask us. We send money to organizations that are working in aid of the poor, the suffering, the oppressed. Do we support the exploitation of people in other countries, working in squalid conditions or for meager wages? We must be mindful of where we shop (certain superstores can sell things for minimum prices but at the expense of other people we'll never see). Don't get me wrong, money isn't everything, but the way we spend our money counts. It speaks volumes to merchants, farmers, the retail industry and politicians. It's a small start to shaping the world we live in, but it's a start.

Tough Stuff

I always get pictures in my mind's eye when people are telling me about this or that horrible incident in their life. I picture things like a mulcher grinding up a tree - a perfectly good tree. The person was just doing life when suddenly they have to deal with some bogus bit of roughness, and now they are just shredded mulch in a trailer, and they have to glue all of those pieces back together and keep on keepin' on. Or, I think of the way a freight truck going 60 mph would hit a wall of styrofoam - those terrible messy little bits just flying everywhere - the individual's life never again the same all because of one incident. It forever changes things, and it's almost always awful and sad.

I heard a sermon on Christian radio recently where the pastor was talking about scripture and its various helps to us in life - armor of righteousness, sword, wisdom-and-discernment-giver. And then he talked about how Satan, as the Bible says, roars like a lion on the earth seeking ways to destroy our efficacy for Christ. I can just picture him, stalking back and forth, a fierce look in his eye (for the devil is not the simpering little man in the baggy red suit he is sometimes imagined to be) desiring to tear us limb from limb in pursuit of our hearts. The pastor went on to say that the Bible is a tremendous source of help for us in the face of this. It gives us strength (along with prayer). Hardships come. They shatter the little life we've been piecing together and they threaten to ruin us. But the Word of the Lord stands forever. May it give strength and hope where there seems to be none, and may God spread His mercy over the afflicted.

Terra Firma

I love living in Chicago, here's why in part: it's easy to feel connected to the nuts and bolts of the city. You can walk to the el station hop on a train, ride, look, read, disembark, walk to your destination. The sights and smells and blustery wind are up close and personal. The senses have time to calibrate the environment. This is in contrast to other places I have lived, where it is necessary to put on one's coat, walk to one's car (or if you're lucky, out to the garage to your car), get in, drive in said car (all the while hopefully paying attention to the road!) and then get out at your destination and scurry back indoors. It's possible to miss out on the feeling of being alive and moving around during the ten minute drive to where you're going. I am not debunking cars, I thank the Lord for cars and the fact that a trip to the store is not a day's journey with horse and buggy. But there's the rub - we can go more places, faster, and somehow we subliminally get the message that we should use our time in just such a way, running to and fro as quickly as possible. If you haven't noticed, it's pretty tiring and not terribly satisfying. But April, you will say, these are necessary evils. We can contribute to some of the virtues of a capitalist society by the fact that we can buy the same paper towels at one store for less money than at this other store. Be that as it may, and I will grant it, there are many goodly things to be appreciated in a day, and I don't want to miss too many - not so much to amuse myself, as to appreciate the smallest bits of God's goodness.